We are all familiar with the concept of virginity — or at the least, a corrupted version of it. Virginity typically rears its ugly head as we dive into the depths of our teen years, when the pressure to lose it suddenly emerges. Because it’s such a major concept among youth, it deserves scrutiny. What is the true definition of this colossal part of every teen’s life, known as virginity?

Merriam-Webster defines virginity as “the state of never having had sexual intercourse.” Although this is partially true, it often comes with a stigma that is damaging to many young women. The only way to avoid such detriment is by recognizing that this entire image of the virgin is absolutely unnecessary in society. Virginity is a social construct; it is nothing but a fabrication of the patriarchy meant to oppress and demean women.

The plot of every ’80s coming-of-age film, every Cosmopolitan article, every girl’s biggest fear and every boy’s greatest achievement – all based on losing something that doesn’t even exist.

Many women are conditioned to dream of meeting that special someone, having an extravagant wedding, bearing children and buying that perfect little home with a white picket fence and little puppies running on the lawn. However, this is not the case for everyone. Some want a modified version of this fairytale, some want it at different times and some don’t want it at all. The reality of the situation is that the decision to become sexually active is a personal choice that should not be influenced by societal norms. The misconception that everyone is ready to have sex for the first time at the same age and in the same environment is absolutely absurd.

Avalon Cole

For those who are biologically female, losing your virginity is traditionally described as the breaking of the hymen or “popping the cherry.” Taking this into account, some people would therefore go their entire lives as virgins, whether or not they are sexually active, because it is possible to be born without a hymen. According to Our Bodies, Ourselves, the hymen isn’t even technically capable of being “broken.” Rather, it can be torn. Due to the fact that there are several different ways to tear the hymen, there are a number of methods in which one can “lose their virginity.” For example, riding a bike. Maybe you were pedaling a bit too fast down a hill and hit a sizable bump. Well, congratulations! According to the twisted and traditionally accepted definition of virginity, you’ve just lost your v-card to a bicycle.

Societal norms often only recognize penetrative intercourse as the way to lose your virginity. If this truly were the case, how are members of the LGBTQ community supposed to lose their virginity? Fortunately, there has been an effort to broaden the definition of sexual intercourse so as to include members of the LGBTQ community. Now, according to the Medical Dictionary, sexual intercourse has been described as  “any physical contact between two individuals involving stimulation of the genital organs of at least one.” Nonetheless, some misconceptions still stand.

When virginity is discussed, it’s often used in the context of being “lost” or “taken.” These phrases imply that having sex for the first time is a negative thing for young women and portrays virginity as something to cherish. In addition to these negative connotations, giving men the ability to take something so allegedly precious from women only contributes to a patriarchal society in which men have control over women’s bodies. Simply put, virginity is a social construct designed to make women feel inferior to both each other and opposite sex.

It’s imperative that something as personal as sex is determined by the individual and a consenting partner. Pressures to become sexually active at an early age can make young adults believe that they don’t have control over their own bodies. The concept of virginity continues to play a role in society that only serves to demean and sexualize women — it is time to take action and take back our bodies.