In this digital age, many young adults claim that a television show, a YouTube star or even a fictional character “raised” them. When a social media personality ends their YouTube video with an “I love you,” their audience may often feel like they’re hanging up on FaceTime with their best friend. 

Although these relationships may seem innocent, it is evident that the line between genuine connection and entertainment is blurring. As media consumption increases, it’s essential to remain mindful of the distinction between reality and illusion.

Advanced Placement Psychology teacher Nicole Mayhew described these connections as parasocial relationships: one-sided bonds in which a person develops a strong connection and familiarity with someone they don’t know. These people are often celebrities, social media personalities, animated characters or book characters. 

For many young people, parasocial relationships offer a consistent and positive source of emotional fulfillment. These relationships can both help alleviate loneliness and serve as role models.

“We’re in a celebrity culture where these idolized celebrities have become the pinnacle of what it means to be human,” Mayhew said. 

One such celebrity is YouTube star Emma Chamberlain, who began sharing her life online at 16 years old and has since amassed over 12 million followers on the platform. Her relatable, vlog-style videos catapulted her to fame by creating a sense of intimacy that other YouTubers have since tried to replicate. 

During the 2020 lockdown, Chamberlain’s videos became my escape. Her candid, lighthearted vlogs appealed to my 13-year-old self, and watching them felt like catching up with a friend. Alongside her millions of followers, I felt a twinge of disappointment whenever she took breaks from posting or chose to keep certain aspects of her life private. This subtle sense of entitlement regarding her personal life, simply because I was a viewer, turned admiration into an unfair expectation that she share every detail of her world with her followers. When a celebrity’s life is curated for the public, this false sense of intimacy can become a deceptive illusion for fans. 

According to senior Dylan Weidling, parasocial relationships have been a consistent part of her life from a young age. 

“I’ve seen Rex Orange County five times,” she said. “I’ve been at such different stages throughout my life every time I’ve seen him, and it feels like I’ve grown up with him.”

When Rex Orange County faced sexual assault allegations in 2022, Weidling’s idealized image of the singer was broken. It forced her to view him differently, not as a peer or someone to relate to, but “like any other celebrity who’s someone unable to be trusted.”

Mayhew explained that this disillusionment is common.

“Parasocial relationships are often built upon this imagined image of perfection,” she said. “This can be damaging when you don’t stop to think about the other aspects of the person that may not be what you want to see exactly.”

The people we connect to through parasocial relationships may symbolize something meaningful or comforting to us, but they are ultimately projections of who we hope they are. Public figures lead full lives which we are unaware of, and our perception of them is based on carefully curated personas. 

While parasocial relationships may be beneficial for fans who find representation in their idols, they can easily become a stand-in for real-world connections. Instead of fostering true bonds, they create a cycle of emotional dependency on people who don’t – and can’t – reciprocate. 

On her podcast, Anything Goes, in an episode titled “Parasocial Relationships,” Chamberlain reflected on the emotional impact of these dynamics for content creators and consumers alike.

“It’s pretty magical that one person can help thousands, even millions of people feel more comforted and feel less alone in some ways through what they create,” Chamberlain said. “[However], it’s impossible to please 1,000 different people, and it’s even more impossible to please a million different people.” 

In fact, Chamberlain noted that some fans can lose touch with reality, taking the relationship to dangerous extremes. On Anything Goes, she discussed a fan who found her home address and continued to stalk her shortly after she created her channel. When local authorities dismissed the case, it was glaringly clear that this wouldn’t be the last instance of crazed fans.  

Yet, these unnerving occurrences are largely overlooked due to the normalization of “fan behavior” – or, in other words, unhealthy tendencies that are detrimental to both fans and public figures.

“Parasocial relationships can cause people to behave in ways that are unimaginable in any other context,” Chamberlain continued on her podcast. “All these [actions] become okay when a parasocial relationship is strong enough in the mind of the fan.”

While I personally enjoy the fun of following creators or celebrities for inspiration and entertainment, it’s important to recognize when this interest shifts into unhealthy territory. By prioritizing relationships in the real world, we create opportunities to build trust, share memories and experience the depth of connection that parasocial bonds simply cannot provide. 

The first step toward controlling parasocial relationships is to learn how to recognize them within ourselves. It’s essential to remain mindful of how these one-sided connections can embed themselves into our daily lives, often without us realizing their significance. Although these relationships are frequently normalized, setting boundaries with the content we consume is crucial to maintaining a balanced perspective. 

“[Parasocial relationships are] almost so ingrained in our society that we don’t even consider the fact that we are in a parasocial relationship,” Mayhew concluded. “Going forward, the best thing that we can do is simply [step] away.”