We regret to inform you that Tideline’s satirical section will soon cease to exist as a result of actions taken by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) and its head Brendan Carr.

There have been many, many roadbumps in the satire section’s history — including one Northwestern Medill School of Journalism professor telling a past Editor in Chief that the section was “unnecessary, unprofessional and unfunny,” being labeled “the most woke in the west” by The Washington Post and the shocking and sudden loss of former Tideline satire writers Shane and Dimitri — but we, as a community, have always come out of them stronger and better than before. 

This time, however, Tideline’s satire section will not return. 

The federal government pressuring Pali’s Associated Student Body (ASB), which owns Tideline, into taking us offline is a blatant breach of our First Amendment rights. Even though our commentary has been at times dangerous and derogatory, our speech should not be censored. We would like to take this opportunity to remind our readers of Tideline’s central message: Democracy drowns in dolphins.

In an appearance on the Infowars Podcast, Carr said that the censorship of the Satire Section was a direct result of some of our past stories, including one about teenage terrorists (the enemy within?), Napoleon’s recent resurgence as head of The College Board and statements about Walt Disney’s cryogenically frozen head.

While we acknowledge that at times our articles may have crossed a line, our audience should have orchestrated our downfall, not our government.

Tonight, as the Satire section’s many, many readers grieve its loss, we hope that they will keep us in their hearts, while still believing and supporting our government and school district and the values that they embody.

Best, 

Audrey and Cole Kimmel, Satire Editors