Pali administrators announced plans to construct a new international campus in Greenland called Pali West on Monday, citing the territory’s “untapped potential” and “very promising name.”

The announcement followed the move from the “Pali South” campus in Santa Monica back to the “Pali North” campus in the Palisades, as well as Steve Kerr’s graduation speech welcoming students to the Hollywood Bowl, “or as I call it, Pali East.”

Pali administrators realized they had a unique opportunity to complete the cardinal directions and began looking for a “Pali West.”

Acknowledging that Greenland is not west, Dr. Magee contended, “Pali doesn’t mandate a geography class, so probably no one will notice.”

The decision to expand came shortly after President Donald Trump called for the United States to annex Greenland, a proposal that students had voiced concerns about. However, these objections were reevaluated after administrators realized this presented an opportunity for expansion into Greenland.

“We see this as a win-win-win,” Magee said. “America gets expansion, Greenland gets economic development and Pali gets more Pali.”

Early renderings of the proposed campus depict portable beige structures and extensive greenery, with no visible ice.

“We were very clear that we did not want Iceland,” said Magee. Greenland, however, was a very different case. “The name spoke for itself.” 

Pali Athletics also praised the plan, noting that it would give Pali a competitive edge in football.

“This would finally put us in a playoff league we can dominate,” said Pali Athletics Director Rocky Montz. “To our knowledge, Greenland does not currently have a football program.”

Magee concluded the statement by reaffirming that Pali remains committed to sustainability, innovation and countries with names that accurately reflect their climates.